Damien

** All names have been changed for confidentiality reasons **

Let’s start with my first boyfriend. Damien. I met Damien when I was 19 from online. Now, before you continue reading, full disclaimer, 90% of these experiences were with people I met online. You think I’d learn my lesson right ? Nope.

I lived in Niagara Falls at the time, Damien lived in Toronto. I moved to Toronto to go to the Canadian Beauty College to get my makeup artist certificate. I lived with my aunt in her basement apartment.

The first time I met Damien was before I moved to Toronto when I was 19.

We maintained contact until I moved to Toronto for school. We started to hang out and spend time together after school and on weekends.

After a little while, we started dating and to be completely honest, I have very few complaints about our relationship. He was my best friend, I could tell him anything, he was always supportive of me with school and work.

There were some issues at the beginning with some other girls. There are two that stuck out since they were causing problems. The first girl, let’s name her Claire.

Before we were officially together, Damien was talking to Claire as well as myself. I knew about her, and she knew about me. Naturally, we automatically hated each other. After talking for a while, I told Damien that he had to choose between Claire and I because I wasn’t going to keep competing with some other girl. He ended up choosing me and that was the end of Claire for about 2 years. We will get back to her.

Around 1 or 2 months of dating, I noticed that Damien was texting and hanging out with his “friend”, who he also met on the same dating website where we me. He told me that she had a boyfriend, and they were 100% just friends. Her name? Claire. But this was a different Claire. This is Claire number two.

Claire number two was malicious. She always hung out with Damien without her boyfriend knowing, she would send him nude pictures and hide all her texts between her and Damien. Totally normal right? No. I asked Damien about their “friendship” and what they talk about, only to find out that she had been trying to convince him to break up with me because I’m “fugly”. First, who uses that term anymore? Let’s be a little more creative. Well, she did just that. She started posting comments about me on pictures that Damien would post of us using some harsh words like “see-you-next-Tuesday-y cow”. Naturally I got upset and told him to tell her that it’s not appropriate for her to be sending nude pictures of herself to him, calling me name and basically just being a bitch. Thankfully Damien was very reasonable and understanding, so he ended up just cutting her off completely. That was the end of Claire number two.

Let’s fast track to near the end of the relationship. Things had changed, we were starting to grow apart, I was broke even though I was working a full time job plus a part time. Toronto is an expensive city when you’re paying for two people on your own. Thankfully my parents stepped in and saved my ass way more than they should have. Between no money, gaining 50 plus pounds and my failing relationship, it was time for me and the Toronto life to part ways. I moved back home to Niagara and maintained a long-distance relationship with Damien for a couple months, however eventually we broke up.

We maintained contact for a while because I knew that he didn’t have many friends in the city, and he was really struggling with he breakup. I tried helping him find a new girl to hang out with. Clearly, I was completely over the relationship and I just wanted him to be happy again. We signed up back up for online dating apps, he would show me girls and I’d give him my opinion. It was weird, but I just wanted to help.

Remember Claire number one? This is where she comes back. Damien told me that Claire number one had noticed that we broke up and had reached out to him. I already didn’t like her because she was my competition at one point, but I just didn’t get good vibes from her anyways. When he told me she had resurfaced, I got annoyed. I admit, it shouldn’t have because I ended the relationship, but I was always very protective of Damien.

Claire reached out to Damien, while she was in a relationship with someone. He started to hang out with her, just “as friends” since she had a boyfriend. Not long after they reconnected, I found out that she was cheating on her boyfriend with Damien. So, because I still cared about Damien, I warned him not to get involved with her for many reasons. The most obvious reason, hello, she is cheating on her boyfriend with you. I was scared he would catch feelings for her and end up getting hurt. In my opinion, anyone that cheats on their significant other with you is a coward and terrible person. If you aren’t happy, man up and tell your partner. End the relationship, then go do what you want.

They ended up dating for around 3 or 4 years. Once they broke up, Damien reached out to me and told me. We met up for dinner one night and just talked about what we had been up to for the past few years. I had to ask, “why did you guys break up?”. Guess what the reason was… you guessed it.

She cheated on him, just like I predicted. Not only did she cheat on him, but she cheated on him multiple times. This girl is just ruthless. I believe she ended up with the guy she cheated on Damien with.

Like I said, I don’t have much to complain about regarding my experience with Damien.

But there is one thing that has stuck in my head since the day he said it. Near the end of the relationship, it didn't feel like I was in a relationship anymore. There was never any romance, cute moments and zero intimacy. I decided to bring it up to him. Why am I always the one to initiate date nights, say and do cute things, intimate moments etc?

He looked at me and said, “honestly, you have a pretty face, but that’s it. You don’t really have anything else going for you”. In that moment, my heart sunk, I could feel my face turn red with embarrassment and sadness. He also said “I’ve seen you at your worst, so I get turned off”. It was no wonder I had zero confidence leaving that relationship.